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"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick." Our thoughts: Just LOL.

"She smells on Ana and apples and sex." Our thoughts: What a combo.

I tug it gently." Our thoughts: The tugging of pubic hair seems wildly unappealing. "It's been a long time since I've seen pubic hair up close and personal like this. "An image of her shackled to my bench, peeled ginger root inserted in her ass so she can't clench her buttocks, comes to mind, followed by judicious use of a belt or strap." Our thoughts: Peeled ginger root? No, no, no, no, NO. If you haven't read it yet, there might be some spoilers below. Love it or hate it, the book is big news, selling millions of copies worldwide.

by storm and its erotic nature, including a steamy BDSM contract, has caused quite the buzz. We've collected nine examples that were as painful and mortifying to retype here as they were to read in the first place. James's novel '50 Shades of Grey' has taken the U.S. As expected, the book is chock full of racy and erotic text, the most bizarre of which have been making the rounds on Twitter today. James' latest installment in the Fifty Shades series-but told from Christian's perspective, for a change. View All Videos Fifty Shades of Grey Photos Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey." (L-R) Eloise Mumford as Kate, Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Victor Rasuk as José in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey and Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele in "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson (left) as Anastasia Steele in "Fifty Shades of Grey." A scene from "Fifty Shades of Grey." A scene from "Fifty Shades of Grey." A scene from "Fifty Shades of Grey." Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele in "Fifty Shades of Grey." A scene from "Fifty Shades of Grey." Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in "Fifty Shades of Grey.The most devoted Fifty Shades fans know that today (June 18) is Christian Grey's birthday, and that means it is also the arrival of Grey, E.L.